Control.

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dali lama

 

Today is one of those days.  I am taking control again.  It may be coming off as brash or bossy or even a little selfish.  But I am speaking my mind and doing what is right for me, myself, and I…and a whole gang of children and a husband that need me at my best.  Not that I am at my worst, but I have definitely lost control. 

Maybe the right word is FOCUS. It doesn’t sound as harsh or serious…and everyone loses sight of their goals and responsibilities at times…so I am reassuring myself that I am indeed NORMAL

Whether it was yet another disappointing doctor’s visit, that scared me for no real reason, and gave no answers…or that my older daughters take any opportunity to take advantage of me and teach my little ones to do the same…or that I have people saying that maybe they could help me get control over my family…I have felt out of control, but here is where I found my focus again…

I am sticking with my new diet/life change and listening more to my holistic nutritionist vs. a very caring and friendly doctor that never has answers(probably because she needs to worry more about what insurance companies will pay for or deny and what new drugs will give a quick fix)…and realize that I need to search for the answers myself and count on my doctor for the basic needs like physicals and colds.

I am calling my daughters out on their behavior…I count myself as lucky that it isn’t a more serious problems with my teens, but enough to drive me insane at times, and that could lead to disrespect of authority in the future if I don’t nip it in the bud.  They are genuinely good girls making stupid teenager choices that we made as kids too…we are honest with them and listen, but need to be more consistent and firm.  It is all fixable.

Lastly, people butting in…I know it is out of love and caring…but unacceptable…and uninvited. I immediately get defensive  and rear up with the slightest suggestion that someone else thinks they can do a better job than me or my husband…not so welcome here. We are loving and devoted parents who make as many mistakes as the next parent, and learn as we go. We take pride in our accomplishments as parents and have worked our butts off to get where we are today.  We DO take kindly to hugs and asking what might be going wrong, or advice here and there.We stand firm on the belief that as long as we are here and present mentally and physically as parents,

                                                                          then no one else will do.

So with that, I feel better. I vented (again). I tried to make a whole lot of little negatives into positives in my foggy, overcrowded brain filled with dates and schedules and worries and lists and more worries. I feel like control can easily be lost…and my focus HAS to be this…that at least I know I went to bed owning my mistakes, apologizing when needed, and trying to make the most out of any bad situation.

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