Ahhh…the first day back to school! I am joyful!! I have two more kids to send back to school next week, and one still in diapers at home with me…I can do this!! I am slowly getting a creative vibe following in my veins again, and I am SO ready for it!
I adore all four of my amazing and beautiful children. Even when they leave shoes in the middle of the floor or a crumb trail to the toy area and juice pouches stuck to any and every surface. I love them when the giggle. Or when they are bickering for absolutely no real reason, or burping or farting. It is unbelievable how they all seem to think this is still the funniest thing in the world! I love them when they want to read bedtime stories and snuggle on school nights.
I love the structure of school. Play, dinner, homework, baths, bed. Collapse. Repeat. 180 times. Maybe squeeze in a date night or family gathering here and there. Collapse even harder.
Maybe I am insane…school brings on a lot of additional stress to an already crazy day. Parent meetings, sports, practice, clubs, dances, class trips…an endless list of FUN(insert sarcasm)!!!! I have been the only parent basking in the beautiful glow of school days! Possibly because my summer up to this point has entailed driving…and LOTS of it. I am officially a cabbie. Chauffeur. Driver. Personal assistant.
My family uses the revolving door that spins around me (and many days our two little ones)…constantly. In and out. Dump and run. And I stand here in an “on your mark” position with keys in hand and a pocketbook full of snacks, juice pouches and random small toys to entertain the little ones, as we depart yet again for another “joyous” day of carting teenagers to jobs, friends’ houses, sports, shopping…
My car looks like my “dump and run” house…books, crayons, goldfish strewn on the floor, seats and a random sticky substance usually on one of the cushions. The teens leaving remnants of a quick meal or snack and drinks and hairbrushes and makeup bags on the seats and floors…a constant cluttery mess.
But I love it. I really do…I think. I am told I will miss these days so badly it hurts. I will regret not stopping to enjoy all of the chaos. I will never get it back.
I am pretty certain we are all aware of this. But am I inhuman to wish I could eat a meal from start to finish in a chair in my own home (date night is generally the time it is uninterrupted) or to want a half hour on the sofa watching some mindless show…or even to scan a magazine on my cute little wicker sofa on my cute front porch with a light ocean breeze, instead of a freezing doctor’s waiting room? I am not inhuman to feel this way. I am human. I think good things, and maybe a little much bad sometimes( that’s when I discovered blogging). And that’s ok. But the good stuff like first days of school, and movie night, and school dances or proms, and birthday parties or family gatherings, give me those moments to be able to appreciate all the hard work day in and out.
I am happy for another school year but will miss long summer nights and cookouts and beach days even though they were few and far between, but still they existed for me…I guess I am one lucky girl. I will make the most out of my car rides trying to talk to my quickly maturing teens and silliness with my little ones as they slip into boredom in the backseat.
I am in the middle of that revolving door. I am that tetherball pole that stands firm to let the ball spin circles around me…but I am ok with that. I am their rock and will remember this post as I get in the car again in ten minutes to pick up my daughter at work. I will smirk at the thought that she will be in school this time next week…they all will be…except for my little man. It is his turn. He gets me all to himself to go to the playground or splash in his water table or cuddle and watch a movie…I am happy-so happy for this. I was lucky enough to have this with all my babies…and I will enjoy every little moment I share with him.