Kittens nibbling on dry food. A fan spinning. Me typing. The only sounds I hear in my house right now. It is quiet in this house. Too quiet.
I am not accustomed to this lack of sound. I am usually daydreaming about what it is like, while washing dishes or cooking, or attempting to ignore bickering children over a too loud t.v.
It seems peaceful enough. But not sure how much I like it. I have ( scattered and disconnected) lists and ideas in my brain of what life will be like someday when the kids are grown and gone…Complete silence filling the void of giggles/crying/fighting/singing, and messes to be cleaned up (toys, snacks on the carpet or sofa or pans needing to be scrubbed-and mountains of laundry to fold everyday) replaced with…well, I am not so sure.
I guess with all this quiet, I am afraid that I might not really have anything to do…for myself or others. No school/sports schedules to distract me, or errands to run with kids in tow, or endless trips to doctor appointments and the pharmacy for latest virus or bug. As I drive endlessly, and clean and space out while making a meal or folding clothes yet again, I remember the gadzillion things I would LOVE to be doing at this moment, if I just had a free second or hour or day to myself, but like this moment right now as I sit in a quiet house after my amazing husband (see previous Blog) decided to give me some “alone” time after he was away for almost a week, I thankfully had SOMETHING to do other than cleaning… this.
I like this writing business. Not sure if I am very good at it, but it fulfills a need to vent or feel creative while I am shoving a meal in my mouth or having a quick cup of coffee while the kids watch a show or play. Not sure if it will help in the future when those quiet days are everyday vs. an occasional gift…but for now, it helps.
I assume that those quiet days in my future will hopefully be filled with me in a self-discovery time…of hobbies started that I always wanted to try, getting myself in shape and eating well ( even though I am doing that hardcore right now), going back to school, and maybe some pampering…but even after I do all those things, I still come home to this…I am kind of bored/scared of it already but will soak it up, because in about an hour an army of hungry, cranky children will walk through my door with lots of demands and homework and baths to get done…
So I will relish this moment with a purring kitten that is snuggled up now next to me, my feet up, and doing whatever I want after I hit “Publish”…