It’s White. It’s Wet. It’s Cold.

Yep. It’s a comin’…a good old blizzard…or snowstorm for some…but good enough to close the state down. School’s out.

Yay! (I think.)

And NO alarm clocks.

I remember those days as a kid. Anxiously awaiting the call. The ONLY time I didn’t mind waking to the sound of a phone ringing at 5:00am. Sitting and waiting and waiting in front of a t.v. for our school name or number to show up on the news.

And when it didn’t…well, I am sure most anyone knows that feeling…the let down of Mother Nature.

The pure dread of having to go get dressed and come up with an excuse for the teacher as to why the homework is incomplete (along with twenty other kids in the class)…mothers huffing and puffing trying to whip up lunches in ten minutes since they spent their usual prep time watching the news as well or calling neighbors to see if they heard anything yet.

That is tonight.

Let the waiting begin.

We are pretty certain it is officially called off…but my luck, there will be an invisible bubble over our town, or turn tropically warm and melt it…the white…wet…cold stuff. Thank goodness I had my milk, bread, and eggs already…but, dang it…I forgot the wine.

It’s gonna be a long 48 hours.

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Utah.

Utah-you suck.

Sorry for being mean.

But my blog is based on karma, so I felt it necessary to say how I feel about something. This something being Utah.  Although now that I say it out loud, I fear the outcome.

See, Utah and my family have a strange relationship. Never been there. Not sure I really want to ever go either.  But my husband has to travel there at least once a year for business-so he has no choice.

And every time he goes, the shit hits the fan(pardon the language)…and this time I mean that, literally. Almost fifteen years of what I feel as bad luck with Utah.  He goes, we stay behind and wait for his return.  He goes and has much success, I stay and clean up messes. LOTS of messes.

I have no ill feelings towards Utah in general…just the yin and yang of it all is starting to drive me mad.

He goes.

We stay.

But only when he is in Utah, do things really get nutty. Never good stuff. Always frustrating, heartbreaking, nail biting stuff.

I can go as far to say children have been hospitalized, countless illnesses, money woes, family fights, cars breaking down even death…you name it, it has happened.

I say yin and yang when I refer to this trip to Utah, because I am mentally using this to find clarity in all the madness I am dealing with over the past week…doctor’s visits, vomit, diarrhea, countless diapers to change, antifreeze oozing out of my daughter’s car, snow, fevers, and just the daily grind of getting people to and fro…with sick kids in tow and one car down.

With each trip, not  just Utah (but especially Utah), I am forced to find my village of people that will stand by me, to help aid in one disaster or another…some days all at once. I have depended on family and some friends each time…for this, I am grateful. It is a running joke in my immediate circle of supporters that my husband “must be in Utah” when things rapidly spiral out of control…and yet it is funny that when he is home,  we (me and my tribe and hardworking hubby) are all able to sit around and  enjoy a cocktail and laugh at all the bizarre and annoying events during Utah week (and how everyone and everything seem to fall back into place/heal once it is over)…

Poor Salt Lake…I truly do not know you, and I have already passed judgement on you…

I am hoping there is balance at the end of this tunnel that is clogged with crap.  My husband is having an extremely successful trip…I know this to be true.  With suffering, there will be relief…at some point.

Are there more pressing problems in the world that are bigger than what I am dealing with? Sure. But right now, ok maybe at least last night, I wanted to throw in the towel. I had had enough blows for one week.

But today is a new day, and my husband comes home tomorrow. We can rejoice in his success and celebrate. Then we will- together, attack each challenge and try to move forward.

.       He is my yin, and I am his yang.

As corny as it sounds, we need each other. We find balance within ourselves when together…and I guess that is maybe why I had an epiphany while writing this…

I do not hate Utah, I love it. It brings balance to my life…it makes things clear to us as to why we are working so hard to move forward. Appreciating all our hard work-and bad days to be able to love the good ones…

Thank you, Utah…you just made my day.

He Would Be Proud.

Yesterday was a big day for me.  Like a REALLY big deal.  Not as a big as delivering a baby or getting married “big”…more like important. More like accomplishment.

I told my story in one of my first blogs a few months back, of my journey to find good health for myself…I needed it badly for peace of mind that I wasn’t going crazy…wasting days, months, and even years of dieting and being frustrated with myself.  I was beginning to believe it wasn’t my thyroid, or age…it was the dreaded depression that was a symptom of all of those possible illnesses that I suffered from.  I was sad…I wanted to give up on myself. I couldn’t stand to look at myself anymore…who was this person that I have become?

I am not that mommy that runs five miles every morning or gets to work out in some fancy gym for an hour uninterrupted. The extent of my workouts was walking with one or two or all four of my kids to any random destination to maybe, just maybe, take a pound off…or firm up a few of those cottage cheese curds on my thighs…but no such luck.

So I took things into my own hands last year…first on my own, then with the help of a naturopathic nutritionist. I was skeptical at first. And this was my last shot. But I knew I had to believe in this.

I knew HE would believe in this.

My Grandfather…gosh, what can I say about this man? Nothing bad for starters. He was perfect…I know that isn’t possible. I am sure he had flaws that my Grandmother or his children would admit to, but growing up I never heard them say anything bad about him…nothing.

His eyes twinkled with happiness. With pride. With optimism. He was just simply amazing…and I adored him.

I titled this blog for him because he would have been 95  this Sunday. And I know he would be proud.

I miss him terribly.

He was a huge advocate of eating healthy and taking vitamins.  He taught me so much. And now I am truly embracing something that I surely know would fascinate him.  I can see me telling him about what my doctor does, and what she believes…he would ask plenty of questions. And listen to all of what I told him. I never met someone who absolutely absorbed everything that someone said, like he did.

He would be proud of me yesterday.

And this is why…

I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s (finally) and Rheumatoid Arthritis a few months back. I have suffered in silence and out loud for years…joints aching , fingers not bending. Bloating, high blood pressure, endless back pain…the list was endless…

I started seeing a Rheumatologist when my General doctor said “I give up” too many possible Autoimmune disorders for her to handle.

I went for a follow up with my Rheumatologist yesterday after countless blood tests and x-rays months ago.

I had been dreading this day.

I saw the results…not all bad, but not great either. I went in with my “dukes” up.

I was going to refuse his prescriptions. I was not going to poison this cleaned out vessel with pills that had more warning labels on them than  a pack of cigarettes.

Oh so sweet to have a doctor lean back in his chair and look at all the symptoms I came in with months ago, and to then ask me how I am doing today…

and I  state that I am wonderful.

Occasional stiffness or pain, but the weight melted off…my blood pressure yesterday was its lowest in years.  He looked at me with a smirk and said-

 Hhmm… How did you do this?

After I explained, he said that he had no reason to put me on any toxic medicines that more than likely would counteract all my efforts and that it sounds as if the Rheumatoid Arthritis is not a problem for my body anymore.

re·mis·sion

(rĭ-mĭsh′ən)

n.

1. Abatement or subsiding of the symptoms of a disease.

2. The period during which the symptoms of a disease abate or subside

And to think of all those years I suffered. Of all those years in tears and being frustrated. And within a few months I literally changed my life.

he would be oh so proud of me. I know this to be true.