Tag Archives: challenges

Twins.

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Twins.

I don’t have them.  My little sister does. She is blessed with twins. Identical twin girls…not so identical but enough to drive some of us mad trying to figure out which one is which.

They are five today. I am in shock at how quickly time has flown (seeing as I ignore that aging clock…my own children will be four forever) and the twins just started Kindergarten as well…good luck to their teacher!

They are Sweet and Sassy.  Bold and Spicy. Angel and Devil. Happy and Sad. Funny and Serious.

Whatever their mood or feeling, it never seems to be the same…maybe I am wrong…I am just the Aunt. I’m sure their parents could say differently!  But when I see them, it generally takes a second to figure out their differences…then place the name with the difference. If I had been their parent, I may have had to give them name tags for the first four years, then the fifth year would be the teacher’s job to worry who is who…not really, but I am still in awe at how their parents do it.

The girls may look the same, but their personalities have always been different…one seems quieter and more reserved…the other confident and chatty.  It is almost like a yin and yang situation…they balance each other as if they were a whole being that was split into two people…

Amazed. 

Knowing the many different types of twins is even more fascinating to me…how a boy and girl can look similar and were born at the same time yet…they are a BOY and GIRL.

Just another wonder of the world, intriguing, possibly spiritual in some way. I am thinking twins are a gift from God, or the universe or a higher power…I am sure some parents of twins may not see it that way, when dealing with double trouble toddler twins, but to have two people share so much just seems beyond our understanding of life and the universe.  I am certain someone could give a reasonable scientific explanation to the wonders of twins or triplets or just multiples in general.

I would like to think of my nieces as a little piece of heaven…they may be Wonder Twins at times- activating all sorts of twin powers on their siblings or parents (cutting their own hair, filling the kitchen floor with water from a hose, makeup makeovers). But these two little ladies are growing up fast with a bond I will never understand…I have a gift of watching them become their own person from the sidelines…not sure I could handle it day in and day out.. I give their family a big high five for getting through the first five years of life with these two sweetie pies…and wish them many more… Happy birthday to my nieces Fi and Bea<3

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Vivid Memories.

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Vivid Memories.

I was about six. Standing in a cold bathroom. Struggling to get my extremely tight-fitted shirt off my head. Tears stung my eyes. Where was my mommy or daddy to help me?

There was a knock at the door. My Kindergarten teacher’s wife was gently offering to help me with whatever it was that was holding me up. I said I was fine. Yet continued to struggle with this dumb shirt.

I was attempting to put on my witch costume for a play to perform for our families. One problem. My family wasn’t there.

I finally exited the bathroom with a disheveled costume and hair. The wife of my teacher whispered in my ear, “don’t worry…I will cheer and clap for you”…how did she know? That is what I cried and longed for….

To do this day,  I remember it as if it just happened. ..my forty-something year old eyes reliving that day through those six year old eyes…laying on the floor, peeking from under my black witch’s hat to see if the wife was really cheering and clapping for me.

She did.

My heart smiled.

That was over thirty years ago.

There are countless other vivid moments from my childhood and teen years and early adulthood that I can still feel and see…

Not sure why these things stick with me…I am certain other people share these types of memories…but why??

Is it the foundation of who we become as adults? Is it to test our strengths and weaknesses?  Is it all planned out by some higher power? Will these memories follow us into the afterlife…no matter what we believe in?

A sad moment with a family member, a serious talk with a friend, a romantic encounter…all little moments in our time threading together to our present.  To remind us maybe of who we were and who we are.

Quite possibly a life quilt of sorts…different shapes and sizes and colors. Some dark,  some vibrant. Sewn together to blanket us, make us feel safe and warm with who we have become…

I like my quilt…some days I feel like I could use another layer to protect me from the cold hard world I live in…other days,  I toss it aside. Jump up and claim this moment as mine…remembering who I am, holding back those dark moments, like my first ever school play, to enjoy the joyous day that lies before me.

quilts

Control.

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dali lama

 

Today is one of those days.  I am taking control again.  It may be coming off as brash or bossy or even a little selfish.  But I am speaking my mind and doing what is right for me, myself, and I…and a whole gang of children and a husband that need me at my best.  Not that I am at my worst, but I have definitely lost control. 

Maybe the right word is FOCUS. It doesn’t sound as harsh or serious…and everyone loses sight of their goals and responsibilities at times…so I am reassuring myself that I am indeed NORMAL

Whether it was yet another disappointing doctor’s visit, that scared me for no real reason, and gave no answers…or that my older daughters take any opportunity to take advantage of me and teach my little ones to do the same…or that I have people saying that maybe they could help me get control over my family…I have felt out of control, but here is where I found my focus again…

I am sticking with my new diet/life change and listening more to my holistic nutritionist vs. a very caring and friendly doctor that never has answers(probably because she needs to worry more about what insurance companies will pay for or deny and what new drugs will give a quick fix)…and realize that I need to search for the answers myself and count on my doctor for the basic needs like physicals and colds.

I am calling my daughters out on their behavior…I count myself as lucky that it isn’t a more serious problems with my teens, but enough to drive me insane at times, and that could lead to disrespect of authority in the future if I don’t nip it in the bud.  They are genuinely good girls making stupid teenager choices that we made as kids too…we are honest with them and listen, but need to be more consistent and firm.  It is all fixable.

Lastly, people butting in…I know it is out of love and caring…but unacceptable…and uninvited. I immediately get defensive  and rear up with the slightest suggestion that someone else thinks they can do a better job than me or my husband…not so welcome here. We are loving and devoted parents who make as many mistakes as the next parent, and learn as we go. We take pride in our accomplishments as parents and have worked our butts off to get where we are today.  We DO take kindly to hugs and asking what might be going wrong, or advice here and there.We stand firm on the belief that as long as we are here and present mentally and physically as parents,

                                                                          then no one else will do.

So with that, I feel better. I vented (again). I tried to make a whole lot of little negatives into positives in my foggy, overcrowded brain filled with dates and schedules and worries and lists and more worries. I feel like control can easily be lost…and my focus HAS to be this…that at least I know I went to bed owning my mistakes, apologizing when needed, and trying to make the most out of any bad situation.