Tag Archives: devotion

Utah.

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Utah.

Utah-you suck.

Sorry for being mean.

But my blog is based on karma, so I felt it necessary to say how I feel about something. This something being Utah.  Although now that I say it out loud, I fear the outcome.

See, Utah and my family have a strange relationship. Never been there. Not sure I really want to ever go either.  But my husband has to travel there at least once a year for business-so he has no choice.

And every time he goes, the shit hits the fan(pardon the language)…and this time I mean that, literally. Almost fifteen years of what I feel as bad luck with Utah.  He goes, we stay behind and wait for his return.  He goes and has much success, I stay and clean up messes. LOTS of messes.

I have no ill feelings towards Utah in general…just the yin and yang of it all is starting to drive me mad.

yin

He goes.

We stay.

But only when he is in Utah, do things really get nutty. Never good stuff. Always frustrating, heartbreaking, nail biting stuff.

I can go as far to say children have been hospitalized, countless illnesses, money woes, family fights, cars breaking down even death…you name it, it has happened.

I say yin and yang when I refer to this trip to Utah, because I am mentally using this to find clarity in all the madness I am dealing with over the past week…doctor’s visits, vomit, diarrhea, countless diapers to change, antifreeze oozing out of my daughter’s car, snow, fevers, and just the daily grind of getting people to and fro…with sick kids in tow and one car down.

With each trip, not  just Utah (but especially Utah), I am forced to find my village of people that will stand by me, to help aid in one disaster or another…some days all at once. I have depended on family and some friends each time…for this, I am grateful. It is a running joke in my immediate circle of supporters that my husband “must be in Utah” when things rapidly spiral out of control…and yet it is funny that when he is home,  we (me and my tribe and hardworking hubby) are all able to sit around and  enjoy a cocktail and laugh at all the bizarre and annoying events during Utah week (and how everyone and everything seem to fall back into place/heal once it is over)…

Poor Salt Lake…I truly do not know you, and I have already passed judgement on you…

I am hoping there is balance at the end of this tunnel that is clogged with crap.  My husband is having an extremely successful trip…I know this to be true.  With suffering, there will be relief…at some point.

Are there more pressing problems in the world that are bigger than what I am dealing with? Sure. But right now, ok maybe at least last night, I wanted to throw in the towel. I had had enough blows for one week.

But today is a new day, and my husband comes home tomorrow. We can rejoice in his success and celebrate. Then we will- together, attack each challenge and try to move forward.

. buddha      He is my yin, and I am his yang.

As corny as it sounds, we need each other. We find balance within ourselves when together…and I guess that is maybe why I had an epiphany while writing this…

I do not hate Utah, I love it. It brings balance to my life…it makes things clear to us as to why we are working so hard to move forward. Appreciating all our hard work-and bad days to be able to love the good ones…

Thank you, Utah…you just made my day.

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Sappy But True.

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Sappy But True.

 

 

I love my husband.  I REALLY love my husband. Some people may gag at that thought. I am not a “sappy” person, so for me to write this open “love” note to my husband is a tad over the top for me.  But he deserves it.

We met nineteen years ago.  We dated casually.  We lived across the street from each other in a hip little town. He was a surfer that managed a surf shop.  I owned a coffee house.  He would throw the biggest and best parties in town.  Everyone knew him.  And he liked ME. Well, and two other girls…but that is why I say we dated casually.  I tease him about that to this day, but I had also dated another person at the time too so we were not really taking relationships too seriously yet. 

Life got sticky. Family. Work. Money. I went away. He didn’t return my calls. Ouch.

I came back a few weeks later, and moved on from him. Got my head in the game of work, work, and more work.  No more boys and parties to distract me…nope not me.

Then he appeared again. With his blond hair, ski sweater( It was January), and huge smile. Not biting. He asked me on a REAL date…not a beer and fries kinda date at the local Irish bar. A real grown up kinda dinner date. 

I caved. I said yes.

Other than him traveling for a ski trip to Colorado that was preplanned before we got back together, and his countless days over eighteen years of traveling for business, we are together. Forever.  I DO actually believe this.

We are both determined to make it work…when things are bad, because they get bad for everyone…when one of us wants to give up…when we cannot make the other one laugh or smile…we remind each other of all that we put ourselves through to get to this point.

What seemed as endless years of being broke – eating mac and cheese and pasta endlessly. Our treat would be to fatten up at our parents’ houses when we would visit…which was a lot…we were hungry.

Years of fighting…all I know is the “run when things get tough” lifestyle, and he is from the “stand together when things are rough” life…we balanced each other I guess.

Living in my in-law’s house several times with our children to get money saved…and support.  We were clueless.  Still are somedays.

It must be working. Nineteen years together, four kids, many jobs, two companies started, one house fire,  vacations we couldn’t and now finally can afford, health scares and illness, and countless memories shared…

I am anxiously awaiting my husband’s arrival after a VERY long six day business trip to launch yet another company with his business partner. I am so proud of him.  He is a natural salesman…not the greasy, slimy kind that makes you want to run in the opposite direction when looking to buy a car…he is honest and funny and optimistic. He can build or design anything…in our shed. He reminds me of my Grandfather,( with whom he had a great relationship with and looked up to), a man that was always curious and building and creating until he died at 92.

I cannot wait to hear about his trip, and celebrate with a day at the beach and cocktails tonight in our little backyard while barbequing something yummy for dinner. I also cannot wait for my partner to help me balance out our family…and give me a little break. I feel like I am missing a limb when he is gone. I feel like my judgment is always blurred with the kids when I am left to here to hold down the fort…I let them take advantage of me, because I am running in circles trying to keep the basics going around here. Until my husband returns. Then I just want to collapse, scream and yell, or run away. 

But then he holds me tight, brings us back together as a united front.  We stand tall together. We need each other.  This is why it has worked.  We have made a life together, through good and bad, to let our kids know that some things ARE worth fighting for…