Tag Archives: pride

Saying Hello.

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Saying Hello.

Well…it has happened.

The waterworks are on full blast. This will make things complicated as I type this…and even more difficult if the tears don’t stop as I help my firstborn back her things.

She is leaving us tomorrow for college. It isn’t a typical college, so she is going with a little time off here and there, but gone for a solid eighteen months…if not longer.

Longer as in not ever coming home to live with us again.

Sure, she will visit…she will maybe even stay for a few weeks if we are lucky.

But I know this young woman pretty well, and her wings are open and ready to soar…

She won’t be coming back to our nest.

My baby bird is leaving us…forever.

Today will be my final day of her being silly and loud and coming down in her pj’s with wild hair, and sitting quietly on the sofa curled up in a ball, as she adjusts to waking up.  She will come over to me eventually and wrap her arms around me and say “good morning, Mommy”…she still calls me Mommy…and I am ok with that.

This will be her last day with us a resident in our home…she will always call this place home…but she cannot wait to make a home of her own. I know in my bones that when she is finished college, she may choose to continue with school, but I am pretty certain she will be looking for her own nest to start building.

Her own life.

She has wanted this since as far back as I can remember. To live in the city, and soak up all things fashion, art, theater, and fine dining…to be independent and full of life.

I already know who she is…and she IS that girl.

She will embrace this opportunity with full force…she will make her dreams come true.

We believe in her.

And we will forever be here to love her and support her…there will be bumps in the road, and maybe even a change of course in her plans for the future…we will be here through the good and the bad…always.

So this may be written on a tear stained keyboard, but they are happy tears. My firstborn IS leaving us today, and tomorrow will be one of the hardest days of our lives…but exciting too.

I will not say goodbye to her…

I will say hello.

Hello to this vibrant, fun, talented, motivated young woman who is beginning to write Chapter One of her story…

And I cannot wait to read it.

ash2

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FAT.

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FAT.

Oh yeah…that is a bad word.

It is mean.

It ticks people off. It brings out the worst in people.

Well, when you are pointing out someone’s struggle with weight, that is…

It is just plain rude or annoying.

Been there, done that.

I recently had a person go so far as to ask me if I was pregnant again…

Yep they said that.

Which is a moment when you feel more sorry for the person who just made the comment than feeling sorry for your overweight self. That awkward moment…

Silence… and then the realization of what just occurred.  Ouch.

Yes it hurt.

I cried.

I wallowed in countless cookies and treats…why deprive myself of my favorite goodies? Losing two pounds after months of walking and changing my diet ( I was PROUD of those two shed pounds) , and someone STILL thinks I look pregnant?

My response was…”Nope…no baby. Just FAT“…

Heck…why not?  Why can’t I say that to her?

If she was bold enough to say it, I was bold enough, and FAT enough apparently,  to fight back.

I still say hi and smile to my charming aquaintance, but will never forget that moment.

It was a definite motivator.

Funny though that the person has yet to notice the thirty pounds of FAT that have left my body forever.

That is ok…

I did.

I finally caved, and bought some new jeans.

Twice! ( That deserves an exclamation point!) I am down two sizes…and just about ready for another downsizing.

Which was weird for me after years of struggling with only two or five pounds at the most.

But AWESOME all at the same time!

I hesitated for a few months actually to buy anything. I think I was playing mind games with myself…the FAT always returns…do NOT purchase or donate anything just yet.

Maybe it isn’t as noticable in jeans that fit me properly now. I truly thought it was more noticable when it looked like I could fit two of me in my jeans as I constantly needed to hike them up even with a belt.

My momma pouch/jelly roll always held the waistline or belt in place…but not anymore. Not too much fat lives in that area now.

I may still be a little bigger than the average woman, but feeling good inside and out…jumping and running to chase my kids is FUN now…not embarassing.

This is MY small victory against FAT…thirty pounds was something I only saw one other time in my battle against weight loss and getting healthy.

 

THIRTY POUNDS…that is equivalent to ten meatloafs for my family…

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 That’s alot of meatloaf.

I pray that no one takes offense to my story. I write this knowing dozens of women I adore, love, and respect are fighting the good fight with FAT. And I am certain there are thousands more. Maybe it would motivate one…maybe none.

But that is ok.

I am proud of me…and FAT is not my friend anymore.