Tag Archives: unconditional love

Sisters.

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Sisters.

In memory of our Dear Sweet Aunt Betty. She was blessed with another year with her loved ones since I first wrote this-and now is at peace. We will go say our final goodbyes to her tomorrow. Our Grandmother is unaware and probably couldn’t comprehend her profound loss…and maybe it’s for the best…her sister meant the world to her…her dear sweet Betty…

Karma Is A Funny Thing

I have two.  And they are precious to me. If you asked me twenty years ago, or even thirty years ago, I may have said differently. But as I grow older, I realize I truly cannot live without them. They are my best friends, my confidantes, my source of gossip or laughter when I need it most.

sisters

I hope they feel the same...

I am pretty certain  thedo.  They would agree our younger years we were rough. We clung to each other through the dark days of divorce, dating and remarriage of our parents. We fought, but also played hard. Barbies were our other best friends…as were forts made out of mattresses, bike riding through the woods, mud pies with ink berries, and catching frogs.

I wouldn’t change any of it…for a second.

It made us who we are today.

I have three daughters as…

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Hugs.

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Hugs.

I am a Mother of six.

I carried five, gave birth to four, and love one unconditionally as one of my own.

I am not perfect. 

I am, on most days, a scarred and bitter person. I can hide it well…sometimes.

But on this very day, all that matters, is that I am a Mother.

I feel urged to write this to a younger confused generation, with too much information at their fingertips, not enough social interactions, and way too many emotions pent up that seem to bring anger and resentment to the world around them…

And not enough hugs.

We had dinner the other night with some family, and ended it with me bringing up the “Twenty Second Rule” of hugs…which gloriously ended in enough hugs to make all of us leave the restaurant with content bellies and warm hearts with big smiles on our faces…

Because it works.

But is not happening enough anymore in our world…we are all guilty of too much “me” time…maybe grabbing some extra Facebook time, or binging on a favorite t.v. series, or spa and gym days…

Don’t get me wrong, these are all essential for us to stay mentally healthy and balanced within ourselves…but some days, we may overlook something…our duties as parents…we need to put our needs aside for even just twenty seconds…

I challenge you…PLEASE…go to your child right now and tap them on the shoulder, as they are staring at a cellphone, t.v. or laptop screen….and jolt them out of this…

Tell them you need to talk. As they rise to go to talk with you, take them in your arms and hold them…for twenty seconds…or more…then tell them you are sorry…that no job, or t.v. show or phone call is more important than this…holding this child in your arms and remembering all those moments that brought you here…tell them you love them, and that they can tell you anything, no matter what…

Mothers…we come in all shapes and sizes, colors, genders and no matter what..our babies need us. Our duty is to them right now, and forever…

Today is a day for our children to celebrate us, but without them, there would be nothing to celebrate…So grab your babies/toddlers/teens/grown children/fur babies and tell them you love them and start squeezing.

Twenty second hugs are good enough.

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A Few Good Men.

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I don’t usually write two posts in one day, but  I just have to.

There are a few good men in my life. I won’t name any names, but they know who they are. Well, except for my three year old, since he cannot read this yet…but he knows I adore him.

We have faced some serious challenges recently…but none nearly as bad as some of my favorite men…

I love them. They love me…unconditionally. Some may not be blood, but I have grown to realize this does not matter anymore…it is who sticks around, even when things get tough, that matter most.

And they matter…a lot.

It is not my journey or my story to tell for these men, but all I can do is let them know this…

I love them…I really and truly love them with all of my heart.

They watched me grow from a dark and confused young woman, into a frazzled and loving mother and wife.

They have listened to me cry, and fight and whine and suffer.

They have hugged me and loved me even when they thought I was wrong.

There may be distance between us now…but only in miles, not feelings.

I love them with all of my heart for loving me, and my husband and my family unconditionally.

They are good, good solid men.

They have been hurt, but continued to stand tall. They have loved and lost, but still stand strong in their hearts…

I will love these men till the day I die…

My little guy has a handful of amazing role models and some big shoes to fill…but he can do it…

He is learning well.

Tres Amigos

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Tres Amigos

Inseperable. That is what they were-three young boys who grew into men…a long time ago. A bond of brotherly love. Whether it was due to a shared love of the ocean or music or good times, it didn’t matter. The bond was there. They couldn’t have been more diffrrent from each other, one quiet and reserved,  one dark and looming, the other outgoing and optimistic.

Maybe that is what drew them together.  Bringing together balance. They didn’t see each other every day as they got older, but the love was still there.

Then it happened.

                                                                                                                                      The bond was broken.

The darkness for one was too much to bare…luring in even more darkness with drugs to numb the pain…until there was no more pain…or darkness…peace at last…but now what?

How can two people find that balance for each other when it took three to complete the circle? The circle was broken…oozing anger and hurt and despair of how to move on without one of them…

Life moved on…oddly and quietly at first.

One started life…marriage and babies and a home and happiness.

The other tried….tried and tried and tried so hard. That incomplete circle was reminding him of misery he couldn’t bare to face. That hole in his heart ached. It did for both, but one could mask any pain sent his way…the other…slowly began destroying himself from within. He masked his pain with booze, and smokes and bad relationships…

Even found marriage and a baby….and lost it all…because that circle was still oozing pain and fear and hurt.

These two stood briefly together again with hope that the circle was closing and the pain was so far in the past, that they couldn’t feel it anymore…one holding the other up and giving him strength and hope…

Was it enough?

Sadly, I don’t think so. I pray quietly that it is and will be enough to slowly have him rise above it. Not to let pain and suffering own him anymore.

There were three amigos…good times, smiles, and hope. Then there were two…and now, one will crumble without the other. Things in my mind happen for a reason. These two lost each other a long time ago, but not their brotherly love for each other…they came together again because they together will close that circle of pain and hurt…they will rise above this in honor of the one they lost…it has to be this way…it just has to.

Forgiveness.

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buddha

 

Will you forgive me?  Can I forgive you?  Well of course it is possible.  With much ado. The “ado” part is necessary to find resolution. So okay. Get that part. Talking things out. Hashing it out. Crying. Laughing. Hugging.

                                                                 Or simply saying goodbye and agreeing to disagree…sometimes forever.

 

I have had to do this part.  It wasn’t easy.  But it was necessary. Sometimes, as a therapist told me long ago, that the red flags in your life are meant as warnings…to remove them if they cause a relationship to suffer continuously. There were times when I raised the red flag, and then lowered it again…in hopes that the bad stuff would just go away or fade with time and age and maturity.  Most of those red flags were when I was younger and a new mother and wife.  Hormones were raging, as were differences of opinion on childrearing and life in general.

As I have gotten a little bit older, I have realized that these red flag moments in my life were defining me and making me stronger once I started evaluating why these things were always happening to me or my family or those around me…I started to wake up. I began to realize how different we all were.  Sisters, cousins, friends, parents…I learned from their mistakes, and maybe they learned from mine.  The hardest ones to learn from were from parents…in a weird and sometimes almost self-destructive way, I adored them…because I wanted them to adore me.  They were young and obviously oblivious to the harm they were causing us all.  Still are to this day.  But the damage is done…and I still adore them.  I still talk to one of my parents, but sadly the red flag went up for the other.  Over petty ridiculous things…yet I now look back at the void of my other parent in my life and realize that the red flag had been up for a while and that the void was inevitable…sad but true.

If you are from a divorced family, then you know…the questions over and over in your head. What did I do wrong? Why don’t they want to be together? Why do they fight so much? Why do they put us in the middle? It is all we know.  “We” meaning me and my sisters…we have all battled our demons differently through our unsettled childhood, teen years and now adulthood. Some of us choose to act as if it never happened, and some of us (me) like to dissect it over and over and try to figure where it could have possibly been fixed, and some of us have just accepted it…it is what it is.

I hate it.                                                                                  All of it. 

The constant pain and worry in the back of my head of whether I am doing the right thing as a mother/wife/daughter, or talking to the right people or moving on from those who walked away…again.  As my littles one might say ” it is so icky”…

Icky is on point.  Sticky and unnatural to put children in this alter world of doubt, fear, neglect, and sadness- instead of innocent worryies about play dates, snack time,   cuddling and bedtime stories.

I miss my parents…the snapshot in my mind of maybe three times of smiles and hugs and laughter that we shared together WAY back when…and then darkness. In the darkness, I bonded so tightly with my sisters…with a mother that was numb and a father that was gone. We played, and fought, and played some more to forget why we were always alone.

As adults, we needed these figures we called parents, for weddings and baptisms and birthdays and grandchildren…but they STILL didn’t need

US.

Not sure if my parents understand unconditional love…I will no longer be angry or hateful towards them for this…this is their problem that they can choose to fix or ignore. Walking away from me and my family forever…well, that just ain’t cool…so for that I bid farewell to you…no more hurting me or my kids that way. I have a small hole in my heart for you that aches to be loved by you, but I will never let it be filled again, for the trust is broken forever.

I discovered the beauty of in-laws ( in my case, but not always so for others!) and friends.  New family and a new life. My husband’s family…they didn’t care that we started out the wrong way, or that I came from a damaged home.  They loved me because I loved their son. They grew to love me as I slowly allowed them to get to know me…which wasn’t easy.  Because I am tough. I keep everyone at an arm’s length. Safer that way…

They have loved me unconditionally for eighteen years, through good days and bad. Through fights with my sisters and family, and making up…they never judged. They never got in the middle…until recently.

For this, I need forgiveness.

I wrote my last blog about several things, but one of them being about my mother-in-law.  She is the most loving amazing mother, friend, wife…she has devoted her life for whatever reason, to just loving…everyone. Including our children. She may interfere a bit too much sometimes, or buy them too much, or cook too much for them…but it is and has ALWAYS been out of love

Forgiveness…I ask her for this. For putting it out in the universe that I wasn’t happy with you…this may be true, but you are someone that I need in my life because I know you truly love me and my family unconditionally…always and forever. And so  we will be stronger from this challenge we face as a family…because I know that you do adore me.